24-Mar-2026
I read this article today: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/combat-fear-man/
"Winning is not impressing the other person, but loving them"
A stressed day at the start. Figuring out how this "Bag giveaway" outreach event would really run with this church was interesting. Not entirely what I expected or thought would be best, but I can be highly critical of these things. I really struggle with these types of events. In any one on one conversation I'm happy to talk about faith and wrestle with the controversial topics, but for some reason when it comes to handing out these bags, standing behind an outreach table, or more outward evangelism with strangers I really struggle. Fear grips me. Definitely a people pleasing aspect. I want to think of that Malcolm Guite quote. The one about approaching non-Christians with humility. It is a helpful perspective. Along with the TGC article above is definitely a better mindset.
I think that is a big part of what leadership ends up being. Helping reframe mindsets for students which is why I think the opportunity for miscommunication can be so huge. You know it isn't just about building a consensus with students on campus and going in a certain direction. But casting a vision (generating a new mindset or outlook) on what we are doing. Going from an outlook of converting souls, to embracing what Guite says in the quote is key. Converting souls to instead think of discerning where Christ is ALREADY at work in the person's life is key. It's crucial. These types of reframing practices are key on campus when students approach faith, life, and work with such concrete views. For many students, the world makes sense. But your 20s is a massive process of disillusionment. Many preconceived notions are dismantled. New information is gained and old worldviews are slowly methodically broken down. I bet someone could write a book that is like letters written to first year (Dear First Year Me inspired). Letters to a 20something. Could be a fun way to explore how disorienting the world can be.
This provides a massive opportunity for any other religion or worldview to step in. Be a guide and a next step. This could be why for many students the history and tradition that a Catholic or Orthodox church provides is stable. Or in the past, what the young restless and reformed movement offered. They provided a way forward that was helpful to them. Reformed churches often "feel" as though they offer clear answers, but they can so easily dismiss the mystery of faith.
Anyway, other than that, the work continued throughout the day. Scheduling a student meeting at the end of the day is not best practice as I am exhausted and can barely think straight. Emotional tanks are empty.
The 5am wake ups are still going well. Felt a midafternoon slump around 1-2 and then again at 5. Keeping to the things I need to do (dishes, cleaning, caring for baby) is helpful to not just give in to whatever I want. I'm not crashing and spending tons of time on YT or Netflix. Removing YT personalization also makes a big difference. Way less inclined to browse and find something to waste time on. And it is has sort of stolen the excitement of going on YT. It isn't as if I'm expecting to find some sort of treasure there anymore, cause there is nothing there. But things suddenly feel more open. Like a veil has been lifted on what I had previously thought was all there is. Life is more malleable than I gave it credit for.
I'm constantly worried about the house. We bought when prices were up and seems like we will be taking a loss on this. Never rush something. Especially when its something so big as a house purchase. I can't believe how foolish I was. Incredibly foolish. It is hard for me to imagine what I was thinking when we bought this house. Hard to embrace the decision I made back then. But I pray this will be redeemed. Rather than this becoming a money pit and drain on all our resources, limiting us for what we really want to do, I pray we can learn here and grow into what comes next. Probably require much greater humility as I continue down this path as husband, father, and follower.