29-Mar-2026

I think it would be valuable for me to set out a bit of a clear value statement of what I believe in the Gospel. What are the verses that I want to keep coming back to? What are the principles in faith that I want to keep a hold of? How can I continue to run the race for gold? And count everything a loss for the sake of knowing Christ? So there is lots of time that should be spent on some of these questions to explore how I can grow in keeping focus on Jesus. Not letting other things distract me. Putting to death sin. Learning to hold fast to the Gospel.

Today was our Church AGM. It generally went quite well. There was an initiative in the church which I found incredibly exciting and wanted to be a part of, but truthfully it is not the time. I can get so carried away by new opportunities. Shiny new opportunities, particularly when something is currently really difficult in what I'm currently doing. "Not all that glitters is gold" though. But I honestly need to take the time to discern out more if something that I'm hearing or is being shared with me is actually good. I love hearing something cool or something that is in need and just taking action on it without really discerning through it. I don't consider if God has truly asked this of me. I don't think about how it fits within a larger vision of my life and my family's life. I don't consider if it's actually being obedient or not. I just think, "this sounds great and I can avoid uncomfortable things if I do it." This week pursuing a new opportunity meant I could avoid the failures I see in my ministry from this past semester (as if I won't have a failure in any other new ministry). I could also avoid a challenging part of my current job which is raising my own salary through donations. But truthfully, God has been so faithful and good to me through this process. I really have nothing to be afraid of.

Part of the disordered heart I have is to pursue more and more to make myself feel valuable and grow my worth. My actions speak to the fact that I believe my worth is determined by how much I can do, accomplish, and shoulder through life. What a joke. I keep forgetting what the Gospel actually teaches. Life is not found in the world, but in Jesus. It isn't found in more accolades, more productivity, more admiration. But in being faithful to the one who has given all that I may receive all through Him.

All in all, I think I just forget about God's goodness and the value of being with Him. I forget and I don't trust. It's easier to trust myself and my own plans. Much harder to let that go. Proverbs has much to teach me about committing my ways to the Lord. I was reminded of Psalm 86:11 where the Psalmist prays for an undivided mind (heart) that he may fear His name. I want an undivided heart. So often my mind is running around pursuing all sorts of other desires. Wants. Needs. And I'm divided. I can learn so much by being undivided.