28-Mar-2026

I struggle sitting still on my off days. I don't really know what to do with myself when I have time to myself. I often filled my off time with screens. Watching YT or movies, or whatever. But that was unhealthy to me. So I cut it out. Now, I don't really know. Reading is maybe one of the bigger ones, but I often just read more theology books, which isn't necessarily what I want to do on my off time. I want to write, but again I often write about theology or faith adjacent topics. Not necessarily the break from work that I think I am looking for. I kind of lost all my hobbies and I'm not sure how to pick them back up again. I feel kind of stuck I guess. I should probably try to start up my home server again. I just can't see myself getting back into video games or anything like that. It is a bit of a struggle to find a hobby just to enjoy. Part of the hope of this digital garden is that it sort of functions as a hobby to keep building into.

I wrestled most of the day with the desire for my own time versus the real responsibility that I need to carry. I felt selfish wanting to take my own time and spend it as I want. I got quite angry when the time I expected to have for myself was taken away from me. I probably need to learn to let these things go more. I often won't have time to make it all work, and that's okay. I think the "me time" self care stuff is overblown anyway. Self-care comes from responsibility. It doesn't mean you never do what you want, but you find fulfillment not in the things you take but in what you give.

I struggled today with finding some sort of hobby. I tried to setup a home server again, but as usual with tech ventures, ran into a problem.